The Strange Identity Crisis of Lex Luthor
by SuperBear
Summary: J and K attempt to break into Belle Reve while two doctors discuss the many fantasy worlds of their patient Lex Luthor.


What if it's all true?

That's the question: Thomas L. Jones asked himself as he stood outside Belle Reve with its searchlights sweeping and scanning while its alarms were whooping.

Another good question was: How did it all begin?

Just outside Metropolis.

Belle Reve. Night.

Lurking outside the barbed wire fence, close to the main gate, were two figures dressed in black coats and ties.

Their names were J and K.

And even at night they were, like the Blues Brothers, wearing sunglasses.

The taller darker one spoke in a low hushed whisper. "Now that we're here, want to tell me how we plan to get in?"

"Don't sweat it, junior." The older shorter man had a slightly gruff voice but a tone that was calm and authoritative. "We've gotten into places a lot tougher than this."

Man, it was weird playing Luke Skywalker to K's Han Solo, J decided.

"Yeah, I know, K. But then we had the ship. It kind of crashed, you know? You remember that? Big loud crashing noise. Sparks flying everywhere and stuff." With his hands, J gestured energetically.

"I remember. You're the one with the scrambled brain."

"Don't remind me." J surveyed their surroundings. "Somehow I don't think Lex is going to be able to climb over that fence. That barbed wire will cut up his hands."

"Relax, sport. Lana repaired the ship's computer enough we were able to get a readout of this place. Follow me."

They approached the front gate. J grumbled inwardly. As usual, K wouldn't tell him what was going on.

Like when K activated that giant neuralyzer hidden in the torch of the Statue of Liberty, wiping out the memories of most of the people in New York City. At least their memories of flying cars and ships.

Man, K, why can't you just tell me about stuff?

But a really big memory wipe! Wouldn't some memory thief meteor freak love to have that power. As J thought this, he grinned.

Okay, enough. Have to focus on finding Lex.

Because of Oliver's mind-scrambler, J could, at times, be a little distracted.

As they moved toward the main gate, J and K found two guards who reacted swiftly, pointing tasers.

"Easy, guys," J said.

K already had the neuralyzer in his hand, and it gave off a bright red flash.

The two guards just stood there. Frozen. Still. No movement except for the blinking of their eyes.

"You did not see two men in black," K intoned almost ominously as he put the silver device back inside his black coat.

When K produced another device, much like a remote car opener, it chirped, the gate opened, and the two figures in black walked through.

As they headed for the main building, the gate closed behind them, and the tall younger one spoke.

"You know, K. You got a real Obi-Wan Kenobi thing going on there."

"Ain't no thing, slick," K said casually. "Now let's go free our leader."

"Well, Lex, what are we up to tonight? Oh! What have we here?"

Inside Belle Reve in a private room, Doctor Thomas L. Jones leaned over slightly to see the painting. But he was careful not to get too close to the patient.

Lex Luthor looked up, grinned, and spoke in a quiet amiable voice.

"It's Oliver's gladiator army invading another dimension."

"Ah. Interesting." While he hid his disappointed reaction, Jones also did his best not to sound too disapproving. "Now, Lex, didn't we talk about this?"

Lex smiled up at him. "Don't worry, doctor. I know none of it is real. This is just my way of getting the craziness out of my system."

The doctor smiled back. "Yes, of course." Jones gestured to the nurse standing at the door. "Raya, could you make sure Mister Luthor gets his pills?"

"Right away, doctor."

As Raya left the room, the doctor was careful not to touch the patient. Jones was from a touchy-feely family where pats on the shoulder were common. But Jones knew in his profession it was unwise to pat or touch any patient.

Jones could, however, speak to Lex in a gentle manner. So he did.

"And, Lex? This time don't just pretend to swallow them."

"Of course, doctor." Both the look and the voice of Lex were gentle and pleasant.

Two tall large orderlies in black bow ties stood guard as the doctor left the room.

As he headed to his office for his appointment, Jones thought about it.

Although Lex, on the surface, appeared to be a very pleasant young man, the doctor knew he was, in fact, a very troubled individual.

A very troubled young man indeed.

As he sat in Doctor Jones' office, Doctor William Smith recalled when he saw Lex the night before.

He viewed Lex through an observation window, The bald young man was in a straitjacket, his eyes directed at the ceiling. It looked like there were dark lines or small shadows under his eyes. Almost like he had two black eyes.

As Lex stood there in his straitjacket, his mouth hung open. In the background played , a mournful song, voiced by Johnny Cash.

Smith recalled that the lyrics were something about how someone hurt himself to see if he could still feel, focusing on the pain, that sort of thing.

Probably, Smith thought as he rattled his fingers on the desk surface, it was better for Lex to paint than listen to such songs.

As he went through the file before him, Smith wondered: Was there really any way to help Lex get better?

The name on the file was Alexander "Lex" Luthor.

Smith's mind wandered.

In another world, what was Lex Luthor like?

And what, Smith wondered, could have turned Lex's life in a better direction?

"It's not exactly a Scottish castle, is it?" J mumbled.

Just outside the main entrance of Belle Reve's main building, the two black-garbed men stopped to examine their surroundings.

Someone jumped out at them.

"Hey, guys! Want to join my alien fight club?"

"Uh, no," J said, reaching inside his coat..

"I've got an alien fight club! I'm the ringmaster, the emcee!"

The man was caught up in a bright red flash. With his arms extended, he stood there, frozen, with a wild toothy smile under his thin mustache, his dark eyes wide open.

As J put away his neuralyzer, he spoke in a cool crisp even tone.

"You will go back to your room. And you will stop ranting and raving about an alien fight club. Then when they release you you'll become an accountant or something normal. You'll have a wife and two kids."

"You will love and cherish each other for the rest of your lives," K pronounced in a kind of amiable grumble-mumble.

"Of course if we don't recover Lex soon you all will be lovin' and cherishin' each other under Kandorian rule. I'm just sayin'."

"Let's go, kid."

As two guards approached waving their hands, K casually red-flashed them.

A click of K's other device with the chirp, and the main doors opened.

Once the two were through the main doors, another red flash followed.

Holding his (for now) unlit pipe, Jones leaned back in his plush leather chair.

"So," the doctor said. "You may not be familiar with our latest returning patients. Even if you are their history is quite complex."

"So I see." Smith, for emphasis, rubbed his thumb along the thick file.

"A little background," Jones said in his slightly hoarse voice. "Four men were found lying unconscious in various parts of Suicide Slums. When police found them, each man was babbling about Oliver Queen and other dimensions. They were all sent here."

"They are potentially dangerous," Smith noted. "From what I read in the summary, they all share similar delusions."

"First and foremost among them is Lex Luthor. He was a patient here before. His delusions involved multiple identities. And he found his own unique cure." The doctor puffed on the unlit pipe.

Smith looked at the file. "And I see that after he was released, he disappeared."

Pipe in hand, Jones nodded. "Which fits right in with his main new delusion. Each one of these men was a patient. Each one vanished after his release. Only recently have they resurfaced."

Smith rubbbed his chin. "Very odd. Quite a coincidence." He grinned. "Do you really think they were kidnapped by some kind of 'inter-dimensional Oliver Queen,' as they claim?"

The other doctor also grinned. "That's not quite what they claim. But let's begin by looking at Lex Luthor."

Smith scanned a file page. "Quite a rich history of delusions."

"His troubled past may explain why. Lex was born and raised in Suicide Slums. His mother died when he was five. When he was thirteen his father died in a tenement fire."

"Which one police officer said was more like an explosion."

"Lex used the life insurance money to start his own business. That's when the problems started. Employees of Luthorcorp went to the human resources manager, Helen Bryce. They said they found Lex in his office talking to people who weren't there."

"Yes, so I see," Smith mumbled. "When Lex finally ended up here, we learn who some of these people were: a young Lex, an evil Lex, and someone named 'Louis.'"

"Lex claimed to be on an island with him."

"Lex also had arguments with his dead father. And he claimed a friendship with a 'Clark Kent.'"

"Yes. Clark Joseph Kent. A young man from Smallville involved in local heroics. Currently a patient at Fairview Mental Hospital. He was admitted there after a claim he had super-powers."

Smith looked thoughtful. "It seems for Lex this 'Clark Kent' represented his ideal self."

"Indeed." Jones rose and briefly paced. Then he sat down at his desk and shook his head, hands to his forehead as he wore a weary look. "Now that Lex is back as a patient, here is what happened when he first returned: He said he needed to help his 'Lois android' open a portal. So an army of 'meteor freaks' can land on our world. Or something like that."

Sitting back in his leather chair again, Doctor Jones waved an unlit pipe. "It's all quite strange, really."

"Really?"

"Really!"

Across from Jones, Doctor Smith looked shrunken, his head barely above the great oak desk. Smith clutched his own unlit pipe.

It was a visual joke the two men shared. But the practice seemed to help them gain insight.

Holding his pipe near his mouth, Smith did his best to look studious and wise. He was, after all, two decades younger than his white-haired associate. Who, Smith thought, looked a lot like the general in the first 1977 "Star Wars" movie.

"And so again, just to confirm, after his previous stay here, Lex disappeared shortly after being released?"

"Yes, we'll get to that. We'll get to all of it. Including how Lex found a unique cure for his identity crisis."

Smith lifted his chin above the edge of the desk. "There's much about Lex that's unusual and unique, it seems."

Jones pointed to the green folder at the edge of the desk. "Since you're new to the case, I've copied all the papers that relate to our patients."

"Yes, I've read some of it."

"The file relates to Lex. And the other three patients."

Again, Smith ran his thumb alongside the file, thick as a textbook.

"We have a lot to discuss, it seems."

K and his young partner strolled down the main hallway casually directing red flashes at orderlies, guards, patients and nurses.

"Move along, folks," K said, waving his hand.

"Nothing to see here," his partner, a former cop, said. :"Man, there's a lot of people here at night."

"Night is when strange things happen, sport."

"Yeah?" J said as he put his neuralyzer away. "Well, we're definitely proof of that."

J and K continued to move down the hallway. But they did not move very quickly.

"Oh, man," J said. "Oliver's using his power on us. We're going in slow motion now."

It was amazing, J thought, how they could move so slowly but still talk at a normal rate.

Amazing. Not to mention really annoying.

"Don't sweat it, junior," K said. "It's only temporary. We'll get through it. We always do. Just keep moving straight ahead."

"So," Jones said. "As you can tell, Lex has an identity so shattered he created multiple identities."

Smith sat away from the desk and folded his arms. "It's similar to another patient we had. Various people representing different parts of his identity lived together in a motel."

"A motel...created in his mind!" Jones said in an ominous horror movie narrator voice.

Going along with the joke, Smith adopted a Dracula-type voice. "The patient murdered each person one by one."

"In his mind!" Jones interjected in the voice of Igor, rubbing the back of one hand.

"And thereby unified the different parts of his personality. Into one identity!" After shouting this out, Smith slunk down in his seat. "A rather gruesome solution."

"Lex did something similar." Jones consulted the file, placing a finger on the proper place. "He threw young Lex into a fireplace. He used a chain to strangle Evil Lex. And his friend on the island? Louis? Lex beat him to death with a large tree branch."

Sitting up straight, Smith made a face. "Fortunately, these bizarre violent savage murders only took place in Lex's mind."

"Yes, indeed. But the strangest murder of all? From a place called 'Luthorcorp Plaza Tower,' Lex threw someone out a window. His father Lionel."

"Even though Lionel died years earlier." Pausing, Smith pursed his lips. Finally, he asked it. "Do you think Lex was involved in the tenement fire?"

"Possibly. He did use the life insurance money to start his own business." The doctor looked sad. Almost gravely so.

In contrast, Smith looked thoughtful. "It would explain his sense of guilt and unworthiness."

Jones inhaled on his empty pipe. "It could. But someone else could have set the fire. Lionel was involved with major crime figures like Morgan Edge." Jones flipped through his file. "So in his mind Lex killed all these different parts of his personality. Young Lex. Evil Lex. Louis. Lionel. And then he also tried to kill Clark Kent."

Here, Smith looked shocked. "But Clark Kent represents his ideal self, the person he most wants to be. Trying to kill Clark Kent represents a major internal conflict."

Jones gestured with his pipe. "Nevertheless, Lex did try to kill him. Again, in his mind. Brought some kind of ice castle fortress crashing down on him." Jones gave his colleague a direct look. "This is where the story gets bizarre."

"Oh?" Smith smiled with arched eyebrows that were Rod-Serling-like. "It wasn't bizarre already?"

In return, Jones grinned. "Lex had some kind of crystal to control Clark Kent and his 'super powers.' But the crystal just brought the ice castle structure crashing down. Clark Kent survived; Lex simply went missing."

Smith shook his head. "This is bizarre in so many ways."

"In his mind, his delusion, Lex died many months later. Killed in an explosion. Created by Oliver Queen."

"The industrialist billionaire philanthropist, you mean. Not our janitor."

The two men smiled. Although Belle Reve's Oliver Queen looked nothing like the Queen Industries leader, the janitor still got teased a little for his famous name.

"And get this," Jones said. "Queen used a bomb. Hidden in a toy monkey. Created by someone called 'Toyman.'"

"Weird," Smith said.

"So while in his mind Lex died, the heroic 'Clark Kent' went on to save us from various threats. Such as the creature 'Doomsday.'"

"What's a 'Doomsday?'"

"Kind of like a gray dinosaur walking upright."

"Oh! Like a Tyrannosaurus Rex?"

"Exactly! And certainly more murderous than Barney the purple dinosaur." At the thought of Barney singing, Jones shuddered. "Anyway, besides saving us from Doomsday, Clark Kent also saved us from Zod and the Kandorians."

"Is that a rock group?"

"Much more dangerous. And finally, Clark Kent saved us from 'Darkseid.' And," he added ominously, "'Apokolips.'"

"Apocalypse? You mean, like in the book of Revelation?"

"Not actually. This is 'Apok-o-lips.'" He showed him the spelling. "It's a planet. A red-hot planet. Like Mars. A fiery planet." Jones held up wiggling fingers.

"Ah. I love the smell of a red-hot fiery planet in the morning." As Smith referenced the movie "Apocalypse Now," he did a fairly good Robert Duvall impersonation.

"Clark Kent moved this red-hot fiery planet away from Earth." Using his arms, Jones acted out flying while pushing. "All while wearing a bright red and blue costume."

"I see. And I suppose Lex saw all this from the top floor of his 'Luthorcorp Plaza Tower?'"

"No, he was actually busy. Being a clone. And having his memory erased by his half-sister Tess Mercer."

""Of course he was. And this 'Tess Mercer.' How'd she erase his memory?" Smith asked with a slight wink. "Hypnosis?"

"Some kind of neurotoxin," It was hard to see if Jones looked concerned or bewildered. "Yes, Lex re-emerged as a clone who had his memory erased. And Tess nearly had her heart ripped out by this 'Darkseid' character. That's when the delusions stopped for Lex. At least the old ones."

Smith looked at the file. "I see there was even a Lionel from another world." He flipped a page. "This would make quite a movie."

"Or a T-V series," Jones chuckled. "Yes, Lex and this 'Clark Kent' were friends for a time. Then they became enemies."

Smith looked grave. "That's quite a battle going on inside for Lex."

"I'm afraid he's only getting worse."

Back to normal again, J and K stuck close to the wall as they moved down the hall.

When two large orderlies approached, the younger man held out his silver wand which gave off a quick red flash.

"You will report to the electroshock therapy room and fry each other's brains out."

"Belay that order," K said sharply. "Come on, J. Let's not do that. Did Oliver's mind-scrambler damage you that much?"

"K, do not remind me of that! I'm serious!"

K fired his own neuralyzer at the orderlies. "You will treat your patients with courtesy and respect at all times."

With mouths hanging open, the two apelike orderlies nodded.

J grinned. "I have to admit, K: that was a lot better."

The older man almost smiled. "Doesn't the life of Lex Luthor teach us that's the way to go?"

"Let's go this way," J said. Then: "Aw, man. We're in slow motion again."

"Just keep going, junior."

"When we free our world, remind me to punch Oliver."

Smith held his unlit pipe above the desk surface. "So you say Lex is getting worse. Worse how? In what way?"

Examining the file, Jones made a face. "First, we should go over a little more of his background, his case and the different delusions he's had."

"I understand he's developed quite a fixation with Lana Lang. An obscure ex-cheerleader and coffee shop employee in Smallville."

"Yes, Smallville again. In one of Lex's delusions, he's married to Miss Lang."

Smith shrugged. "She was famous for being on the cover of 'Time' magazine."

"She was," Jones said, adjusting his pipe. "That may be how Lex, as a child, learned of her.."

"And over the years turned her into a fantasy woman." Smith had the file open in his lap.

"Despite that, of all the delusions Lex has had, this one may be the most normal," Jones said. "He and Lana had a nice normal middle-class existence."

"In Lex's mind. His fantasy world." Smith tapped his noggin.

"Correct, sir. They had two children named Alex and Lilly."

"Ah. The girl is named after Lex's mother."

"Quite right. You pay attention to small details. That's good." A grinning Jones waved the pipe. "As I said, it's all quite normal. Well, except for Lex talking to his dead mother."

"So Lana has a ghost mother-in-law?"

"The best kind perhaps.. But this fantasy was mostly normal." He sighed. "And then Lana dies."

Smith sighed as well. "Apparently Lex feels so unowrhty of love that even in a fantasy life things can't work out."

Now when Jones held his pipe, he looked like he was posing for a book jacket photo. As if he were Stephen King or Rod Serling.

"It reminds me of another patient I had when I worked in New York: Peter Parker. No matter how many 'what if's' he envisioned, things never worked out for poor Mister Parker."

"Yes, I read about your case in your book. Parker was a loser in every world he imagined." A slight sigh from Smith.

"That's right. In every fantasy he had he was hunted by the police as some kind of 'masked menace.' The preoccupation of a newspaper editor with the unlikely name 'J. Jonah Jameson.'"

"And why would anyone focus on this 'Peter Parker?'"

Pipe in mouth, Jones shrugged. "A way to give himself importance, I guess. Although in his mind he was already very important. He was, after all..." Here Jones did a bodybuilder pose, tightening his biceps and chest. "...the 'Amazing Spider-Man!' Or 'Ultimate Spider-Man!'" Jones waved his hand. "Or some such thing."

Smith grinned. "Has more of a ring to it, I suppose, than the 'Spectacular Peter Parker.' But if you're going to be a superhero, why be a spider?"

"That's exactly what I asked Stan Liebowski when he insisted he was a famous comic book writer. I told him people hate spiders. But Mister 'Stan Lee' insisted his 'Spider-Man' was very popular."

"What kind of world was he living in, I wonder. And how did Parker even hear of this 'Spider-Man?'"

Again, Jones shrugged. "I assume Parker somehow heard details about this 'Spider-Man' from 'Stan Lee.' Or maybe Charles Xavier told him when he got out."

"Hmm," Smith said, rubbing his chin. "Parker was a sad case."

"As I said, in each fantasy life he imagined he was always a menace. And he never got the girl. Or at least they couldn't stay together."

"Much like Clark Kent and Lana Lang."

Jones smiled. "In Parker's case it was Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane Watson."

Smith's fuzzy eyebrows went up. At least Parker had good taste in women. Stacy and Watson were both famous actress/models. Watson recently had a guest-starring role on "Castle" as an actress studying Beckett.

"From your book, I understand Parker had his own brief infatuation with Lana."

"He did," Jones said. "A red-haired Lana Lang."

"Much like Mary Jane Watson then."

"Lana does have her admirers. Like that gill-boy who tried to drown her." Jones pointed his pipe at Smith. "We helped her recover from that trauma."

"So we did." Smith put a fist on his chin, looking like a little boy as he leaned forward. "Eric Summers was similar to Peter Parker. Feared by his parents. Hunted by the police. Girl of his dreams thought him a freak."

"A sort of anti-Clark-Kent, as it were." As he did another pipe pose, Jones smiled. "The lightning may have scrambled Eric's brain. But that may not be the only cause. Eric had quite a tyrannical father. Just as Lex did."

Looking at the file, Smith thought for a moment. "Does that explain Lex's other fantasy marriage to Lana and the fake pregnancy?"

"It could." Jones also consulted the file. "Yes, here it is. How Lex used drugs to create a fake pregnancy inside Lana. And a fake miscarriage as well."

Narrowing his eyes, Smith looked glum. "It shows his sense of unworthiness. Even in a fantasy life he assumes he cannot be loved. Not unless he manipulates someone."

They briefly covered some of Lex's other delusions. How his mother smothered a baby brother named Julian and Lex shielded her from his father's wrath. In this fantasy, Lionel was rich and powerful.

In one delusion, Les married Helen Bryce, who arranged for his plane to crash. Which left Lex stranded on an island. With Louis.

In another case, a Clark Kent without powers caused the loss of Lex's legs. When Clark leaped out in front of his car, Lex swerved to avoid him and his Porsche rolled over on a bridge.

In another fantasy, Lex became President of the United States and launched nuclear missiles against some unknown alien enemy. .

With the file open, Smith bowed his head. "The fantasy of someone who feels truly powerless."

"Except he was under the influence of someone else. A Kryptonian known as 'Milton Fine.' Or 'Brainiac.' Lex was always making up strange names." Resting his elbows on his desk and hunching his shoulders, Jones sighed. "But these delusions are nothing compared to the ones he's having now."

Once again, J and K were not only talking at normal speed but moving at normal speed as well.

"How many hallways are there in this place?" J muttered. "Where is Lex?"

"We're about to find out," K said as they rounded a corner.

It was a nurse's station. Another red flash from his device, and K sat down next to the still nurse with the dazed look. The name tag said "Raya."

"Need to borrow your computer, Raya. Thanks, darlin'," K said.

After typing on the keyboard, K consulted the screen.

"Follow me, slick."

"K? We're in slow motion again."

"Just keep going. We'll get there."

"So what's the story with our patient now?" Doctor Smith sat back in his black portable chair. With his jet-black goatee, he looked like Dr. Smith from the movie "Lost In Space."

Jones joined his hands as if in prayer. "I'm afraid that what we're seeing is a genius intelligence creating all kinds of fantasies and fantasy worlds."

"What do you mean?"

Now Jones lit his pipe. Smith thought he looked like a very big, very old hobbit.

"I'm afraid Lex's delusions have gotten progressively worse. He now claims that he is some kind of inter-dimensional hero traveling around in an inter-dimensional ship."

Again, the eyebrows of the smirking Smith went up. "And how does he account for his disappearance all these years?"

"Lex claims he has never been to this facility, or even this world, ever before. That some other Lex lived here. That people on our world tap into other realities. That if we had a 'tricorder,' we could do a scan and discover his energy signature is from another universe."

"How fascinating!" Resting his pipe on the desk, Smith put one ankle on the other knee. "And what happened to this other Lex?"

"Our Lex claims this other Lex was taken away by Oliver Queen along with Barry and Bart Allen and Kyle Reese. That this 'inter-dimensional Oliver Queen' collects them all from different dimensions and stores them in an inter-dimensional prison called 'Thirty-Three-Point-One.'"

Smith clasped his extended raised knee. "Fascinating. Strange but fascinating."

The doctor nodded. "This Lex, our Lex, the one we have now claims that his world was taken over by 'Zod' and 'Jor-El' and the 'Kandorians.' Oliver Queen aligned himself with these Kandorians."

Eyebrows raised, Smith paged through the file. "All of our returning patients share this Oliver Queen delusion."

Pipe in mouth, Jones nodded. "As you know, last week we heard two orderlies discussing whether the resurrection of Jesus could have been a group hallucination."

"Except hallucinations are not shared. So how do we account for all four men sharing the same Oliver Queen delusion?"

Shrugging, Jones held out open hands. "They were all vagrants in Suicide Slums. They could have simply talked to each other."

Smith wondered: How could Lex, a business owner, become a vagrant? But he was mentally ill.

"How does Lex explain all this?" Smith asked.

Jones looked very serious. "He claims his inter-dimensional ship crashed in Suicide Slums. Thrown off course by Oliver Queen and his 'alien gladiators.' Given to him by Zod." Jones' voice became slightly ominous.

"I suppose we all must kneel before Zod. And Oliver Queen!" Smith chuckled. "Wouldn't our janitor love to have that kind of power!"

"And his own gladiator army!"

Smith read aloud from the file. "Alien gladiators who are from the twenty-eight known inhabited galaxies."

"Previously stored away in the...Phantom Zone."

Smith smiled. "Sounds like this 'Phantom Zone' would be a fun place to visit."

"Oh, yes. Fun!" But then Jones looked concerned. "Note how Lex's current fantasy of being a great inter-dimensional hero plays into his earlier delusions."

"Ah, yes," Smith said. "Lex has played the hero before. He was the one who set out to find the 'Stones of Power.'"

"And he was going to save us all by taking on the notorious 'Naman.' And keeping him in check."

"Ah, yes. Naman." Smith tapped a finger against the file. "How did Lex ever conflate Clark Kent with an old Native American legend?"

"I'm not sure. But he did, in his mind, get hold of the crystal to control Clark Kent. The alien invader!"

"The strange visitor from another planet!"

"By jove, if writing science fiction doesn't work out for us , we can always go into theatre!"

As the two men laughed loudly, they were unaware of the strange drama playing out around them.

As he painted, Lex Luthor grinned.

There's a fly buzzing around my head, he thought. I won't even swat it.

That way, if anyone is watching me, they'll see I wouldn't even harm a fly.

Who am I? I'm Clark Kent. Of course.

"No, you're not," someone said. "You're Lex Luthor."

At the presence of the young black man and old white man, Lex looked puzzled. "Who are you? Wait. I know you two."

"Lex, I'm J, this is K."

"No time to explain right now," the old man said.

"There's a tunnel underneath Belle Reve," J said. "We'll stash you there for now."

"I'll keep you safe," K said.

"Once I free Barry and Bart, we'll get Kyle. And then we're out of here." J looked at Lex blinking in confusion. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

These guys are obviously crazy, Lex thought.

"No, Lex, we're not," J said.

Again, Lex blinked in confusion. "How do you know what I'm thinking?"

J pulled off his shades. A white cord connected to his ear. "This device? It reads thoughts."

"You invented it, sport," K said.

"Now let's go, Lex," J said, head tilted toward the door as he gestured for Lex to move.

With a grim look and fists clenched, Lex rose. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Lex, I really don't have time for this right now," J said with a sigh. He used the flashy-thingy. "Now go to the tunnel with K."

The older man guided Lex out of the room. "See you later, sport."

"So what else do I need to know?" Smith asked.

In the office, a smiling Jones went on. "Lex says his inter-dimensional ship is in Suicide Slums. Right now even as we speak. But get this." He tapped the file for emphasis. "He says the ship is invisible and immaterial."

The other doctor also smiled. "Well, it is an inter-dimensional ship, after all. Makes perfect sense."

"As you can see-but Lex can't—there's no proof for his story. Just like with Kyle Reese. We'll get to him a little later."

Smith sat back, hands folded over his chest. "Does Lex offer any proof for his wild claims?"

"In a way, yes. He claims there are two Men In Black running around looking for him."

Smith looked surprised. "The two guys from the movie? Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones?"

The doctors were very familiar with the actors' names. They were, after all, William Smith and Thomas L. Jones.

"Ah, but that's not all, There's more!" Both men smiled broadly. "He also claims his ship has an android version of Lois Lane."

Smith's face shot up with more surprise. "The 'Daily Planet' reporter?"

"Youngest ever."

"Why build an android of her?"

Jones shrugged. "With Lex, who can tell? Seems like he could have been a science fiction writer. Like Ray Bradbury. Or that other fellow." He snapped his fingers trying to remember. "Gene Roddenberry! Didn't he and Rod Serling write some novels together?"

"Possibly. I'm not really into science fiction. But I find all this fascinating.. Anything else on Lex's case?"

"The inter-dimensional ship has one other crew member: Chief Technician Lana Lang."

"Ah, back to Miss Lang again!" Smith smiled. "I was not aware Miss Lang knew how to repair ships, inter-dimensional or otherwise."

"Lex has built her up into quite a person," Jones said.

"A very unrealistic person."

Jones reloaded his pipe. "He has spent years turning her into the ideal woman."

"But even in Lex's fantasy world, Lana couldn't be with Clark Kent. Lex's ideal self.." A slight grimace from Smith. "Lex feels so unworthy of love that even his ideal self can't be with the woman he loves."

"And then Lex is the one who breaks them up for good!"

"A way of restoring his identity, I suppose."

Jones briefly described how Lex filled Lana with a radioactive substance called "kryptonite."

"Kryptonite," Smith said. "Is that what inter-dimensional ships run on these days?"

"The substance is lethal to Clark Kent. So in a way Lex tried to kill another one of his identities. Again."

"Or at least deny himself love."

Once again, Smith asked the question. This time out loud.

"Is there any hope for Lex to get better?"

"I need to go back," Lex said in a mumbly-mumble voice.

"Just take it easy there, sport," K said.

In the tunnel underneath Belle Reve, Lex fidgeted nervously, using his fingers to play with his right thumb. It reminded K of Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man." K had seen the stage version. A musical.

"I really should get back to my room," Lex stammered. "I need to paint and listen to Johnny Cash. And Remy Zero."

"Afraid that can't happen, Lex," K said in a mumble that was still somehow clear and authoritative.

"You don't get it," Lex said. "I'm a very troubled person. No sane person would think the things I do. An inter-dimensional ship. An android Lois Lane. Mutants. Terminators. Meteor freaks." Lex threw his hands up. "I'm crazy."

"No, Lex, you're not. This is all real."

J was back, and three other men were with him.

The young shorter blond man spoke first. "Let's blow this popsicle stand."

"I'm with you, Bart," the older blond man said.

"Let's run," the brown-haired man said in a cool voice.

A great "whoosh," and suddenly Lex was standing on a hill overlooking Belle Reve. The others were with him. Except K.

The kid, the one called "Bart," disappeared—another great "whoosh"-and then he reappeared with K.

Lex looked dazed and confused. "How did you-? How did we-?"

K adjusted his crooked shades. "We'll explain on the way, Lex."

"As much as we can," Bart said.

J nodded. "It's not the first time you've had memory loss, Lex. So we're getting good at this. But while we fill you in, we should keep moving."

"Affirmative on that, amigos," Bart said. "Unfortunately, Uncle Barry and I can only go short distances while carrying people. Plus, we can't carry all five of you at once anyway. And if we go too far too fast you'd burn up. Which is not good."

J gave him a look. "Thanks for that totally unnecessary explanation, Bart."

"Hey, it's to help Lex," Bart said, gesturing toward the bald man. "He doesn't know what's going on."

"Let's move out, guys," K said casually.

As the group moved through the dark forest, Lex thought: What is this? What's going on here?

"Can Lex get better?" Jones repeated Smith's question. "For a while, he was getting better. But now it seems he has relapsed."

In the office, the two doctors sat back as they discussed other aspects of the case.

"As you know," Jones said casually, "when a person feels powerless, it's not unusual for the person to create a fantasy world where he is powerful in some way."

Pipe in hand, Doctor Smith looked very serious. "Doctor Welker and Doctor Hudson over at Fairview have some experience in that area."

"Yes, with Clark Kent. We've had our own experiences with Ian Randall, Van McNulty, and Eric Summers."

"Each one was, one way or another, obsessed with super powers."

"Only in Lex's case he conferred super powers on this 'Clark Kent.'"

Smith held the file up in his lap. "Yes. As you said earlier, Clark and Lex were friends for a time then they became enemies."

"Yes, over secret investigations and some quest for the 'Stones of Power.' But only in Lex's mind, of course. There was even an incident where Lana became possessed by some witch called 'Isobel.'"

Jones puffed on his now lit pipe. Smith found the smell fragrant and pleasant, even soothing and relaxing.

"The case of Barry Allen is a little more normal," Jones said.

"Oh, good. I welcome some normal." Smith read from the file. "'While temporarily paralyzed, Mister Allen fantasized he was a super-speeding hero called the Flash.'" As he scanned the page, Smith chuckled. "Fighting such villains as the Mirror Master, Captain Boomerang, and Captain Cold. It seems our Barry Allen has quite an imagination, too!"

"Maybe he and Lex could write science fiction together."

"Or comic books!"

"Or a T-V series!"

"Or a movie! Maybe a big 'Men-In-Black-Meets-Terminator' crossover!"

"I'd go see that." After a brief smile, Jones turned a bit serious. "As I've said, though, it was a fairly normal thing. Barry Allen feels powerless so he fantasizes that he has powers." He turned a page in the file. "A similar affliction struck his nephew Bart."

Once he located the passage in the file, Smith read aloud again. "'Dissatisfied with life as a low-level thief in Suicide Slums, Bart Allen developed a fantasy life where he was a super-speeding hero with the code name,,,,,'Impulse?'"

Jones responded with a light grin. "Not the worst code name for a hero. That would go to our other patient: 'Stripesy.'"

"And 'Impulse' shuts down facilities run by Lex. Called 'Thirty-Three-Point-One!'"

"Rather the opposite of Lex's Oliver delusion, I'm afraid." A quick clearing of the throat for Jones. "That was Bart years ago. Now, like Lex, Bart believes in this 'inter-dimensional Oliver Queen.'" He turned to a new page of the file. "Kyle Reese is an entirely different case, I'm afraid."

Examining his file, Smith grinned. "Ah, yes. Our friend claiming a 'Terminator' is on its way to Smallville to kill Lana Lang."

"An army of Terminators, actually."

Smith's eyes seemed to twinkle. "What did he say when you pointed out his story was like the famous movie?"

Grinning, Jones fingered the pipe. "I almost had to keep from laughing. He started yelling into the security camera!"

"Just like in the movie!"

"Yes, he started yelling how Terminators are disguised as humans. And when they arrive in our time period, they're naked."

Smith feigned shock. "Are there no clothing stores or malls in the future?"

"Not in this man's crazy world apparently!" As a light mist rose, Jones shook his head. "Reese is so delusional he doesn't even see how his story is similar to the movie."

"Assuming he's even aware of the movie. Or Sylvester Stallone."

Briefly, Smith pictured in his mind the famous movie poster. It featured Sylvester Stallone in sunglasses and black leather holding a rifle as he sat atop a motorcycle. Stallone was as identified with the Terminator character as Arnold Schwarzenegger was with Rambo.

Since each man had won an Oscar for his iconic role, it was hard to imagine anyone else playing those characters.

"Hopefully, Sylvester Stallone won't drive a truck through our front door!" Smith said with a smile.

"'I'll be back.'" Jones attempted Stallone's deep rough voice. "Yes, let's hope we don't have Mister Stallone drive through here. Or any other Hollywood stars, for that matter!"

Now Smith looked a little serious as he examined the file. "Should we be worried about the safety of Lana Lang?"

Holding his pipe up, Jones looked down at the file. "Kyle Reese seems very eager to get to Smallville. To warn her, he says."

"But who knows what he might do? What any of them would do?" At first, Smith looked worried. Then he grinned. "Especially since our patients are-to use the scientific term-'whacko.'"

Smith recalled Dr. Chase Meridian, a temporary transfer from Gotham City. She described an unusual patient: billionaire Bruce Wayne. (Well-known in the tabloids. Actually burned his mansion down after a party.) Besides having a fear of bats, Wayne had become convinced a low-level employee, Edward Nigma, was out to kill him. As a villain called "the Riddler." Yet Nigma—an eccentric, to be sure—had done nothing more than send memos containing riddles.

"Or," Jones said, "to use the word of another patient, Pete Ross, our four recent patients are 'whacked.'"

Smith thought about their recent arrival Ross. After being beaten by an FBI agent, Ross retreated into a fantasy world where he was a famous music artist, one who engaged in product placement. He would tout the latest Talon mix or even promote another band. In his imaginary concerts, Pete "the Boss" Ross would occasionally shout "Remy Zero!"

But he also claimed he could stretch his arms from eating magical gum. And though Lionel Luthor was an obscure man long dead, Ross claimed Lionel stole his family's creamed corn factory and caused his parents' divorce.

"So," Jones said. "How much are these four patients an actual danger?"

Once again, Jones looked concerned. "Here's a little snag: a Doctor Steve Hamilton was recently admitted. Claimed a 'Terminator' invaded his home."

"Sounds like the plot for 'Terminator Two,'" Smith said with a smile.

"Yes, but here's the problem. We can understand how four men in Suicide Slums can share a delusion about Oliver Queen by talking to each other. But how did this 'Terminator delusion' spread to Hamilton in Smallville?"

"Because...he kidnapped Kyle Reese?"

"The police have found no evidence of that. And Hamilton seems to have no connection to Reese or the other patients."

For a while, they sat there in silence.

Finally, Smith said it.

"What if the whole thing is real? Or even just part of it?"

That was when they heard the sound of a whooping alarm.

"We should stop," J said. Lex moved in the direction of Belle Reve. J grabbed him.

"Stop?" Bart objected. "I don't like standing still."

"I'tll make it easier to restore Lex's memory," J said.

"That's our most important priority," K said.

"Let me go," Lex moaned.

"As you can see, he's not exactly cooperative right now," J said as he pulled him closer.

As the group stood on the wooded hill, J heard the whooping alarms in the distance.

"Let's stop here a while," J insisted.

"Now?" Kyle said with an incredulous look and tone.

"There's an alarm going off, dude," Bart pointed out.

"Bart's right, we shouldn't stand still," Barry said nervously.

J shook his head. "You guys can always super-speed us away later, if the guards and the dogs get too close." He gave K a look. "Does Belle Reve have dogs?"

"I don't think so, kid." An unperturbed K stood with his arms crossed over his black coat.

"I hope not. Hey, guys, look." Addressing the group, J waved his hands in an authoritative fashion. Almost as if giving orders or instructions after a neuralyzer flash. "Right now we need to help Lex get his memory back. That's easier if we stop for a while."

With his arms wrapped around his torso, Lex rocked slightly. "I need to get back. I need to go back. I need to do my painting and listen to Johnny Cash. And Remy Zero. It helps me."

The stammering way J talked reminded J of Clark on silver kryptonite.

J addressed the group again. "As you can see, Lex is not doing real well right now."

"Okay, we'll stop," Kyle said. "But only for a while."

"Okay," J said. "What next to help Lex get his memory back?"

Barry thrust out his hand. "I'm Barry Allen. Also known as the Flash. My Cosmic Treadmill helps power our ship."

"Good, Barry, that's good," J said.

Bart gave a slight roll of his eyes to go with his sigh. "Yes, Uncle Barry. We're very proud of you and your Cosmic Treadmill and all your scientific smarts."

"And for being...the Flash!" J put his hands on his hips as he spoke in a bold voice.

"Flash?" Lex said. "You mean like Flash Gordon?" He began singing the Queen song from the 1981 movie. "Flash! A-a-a-ah! Flash!" His voice cracked as he warbled the lyrics.

The singing stopped as a bright green flash struck the face of Lex. His bald head tilted back slightly as at first he blinked then he stood there with a dazed look.

"See what I mean? Lex needs to recover." J held out a golden wand. "This is a reverse neuralyzer. Courtesy our friend Jeebs."

"But it doesn't do an instant memory restore," K said. Lex stood there with his mouth open.

"That's the thing, Lex. In order for you to get your memory back, I'm going to fill you in on your background a little bit, 'kay, Lex?" J went right into it. "When you were thirteen, you built a robot that was versed in four million forms of communication."

Closing his mouth, Lex made a face. "That doesn't make sense. How could a kid do that?"

"You got help," K said.

"There was this guy, Dom-in-ic San-tor-i.." J enunciated clearly, as if talking to a child. It seemed to help with the memory restore. "At first, he despised you."

"Not sure why," Kyle said. "From what I know you played with Warrior Angel figures at the opera. You hid in the coat room during parties. Why would anyone despise you?"

"I would have been buds with you," Bart said.

"Me, too," from Barry.

"We'd all be friends: you, me and John Connor," Kyle said calmly.

"You're John Connor's father, you know," Bart said.

"What?" Kyle said. "I have a son named John, but-"

"Now's not the time, guys." J turned back to Lex. "It's true, though. Dominic hated you at first. But then when he saw the joy you took in building and inventing, he decided to help you."

"You were inventing things from the age of five," K explained.

"That's right. And Dominic helped you get in touch with other young inventors like Tony Stark and Sheldon Cooper."

"Master inventors, master scientists," Barry said. "Along with Peter Parker."

"It's true," J said, still focused on Lex. "That's how you were able to create such an incredible robot: by combining your invention with other people's inventions."

"Which is exactly what all you guys did later to help Earth. Our Earth," Bart said.

A groggy Lex looked puzzled. "What happened on Earth? Our Earth?"

"We'll get to that, sport," K said.

"For now, I'll give you the basics. Some more of the basics," J said. "You went to an elite prep school."

"Excelsior," Lex said. "Was Stan Lee there?"

"No, Lex. He was busy writing. But while you were at Excelsior, you got help. From the director of the school."

"Mister Reynolds," Lex realized aloud.

"Right, right, Good, Lex. See? It's coming back to you." J's smile was big, warm, friendly and genuine. "Yeah, Mister Reynolds would stand in the hallway and talk to you between classes so people wouldn't be able to bully you. Which was kind of a problem after the meteor shower made you bald. You were getting bullied a lot."

"Yes, Mister Reynolds did do that," Lex whispered. "He helped me a lot doing that."

"It let you concentrate on your work," K said.

J smiled. "I don't mean to get all philosophical on you, Lex. But if more people did little things like that, the world would be a better place."

Barry spoke in his bold announcer voice. "I think Mister Reynolds not only made a difference to our world but to all the worlds in all the dimensions! Seeing as how Lex is our greatest hero. In all the multiple dimensions!"

In contrast to Barry's booming voice, Kyle had more of a muted Clint Eastwood voice. Kind of like Dr. Garner from Summerholt, J thought.

"Look, I understand how important it is to help Lex get his memory back. But maybe we could move forward just a little?"

Looking directly at Kyle, K was unflappable with an unflinching reaction. "You know your problem, Reese? You've been running after Terminators too long."

"And running from them," Bart said in a teasing voice.

K gestured with a "let's go" wave of his hand. "He's right, though. Let's move."

As the alarms whooped at Belle Reve, Doctors Smith and Jones stood outside the main entrance.

They stood among the searchlights as a group of guards headed for the forest and the hills.

"Two men in black," one bow-tie orderly said to another. "I saw them down in the tunnel. They helped the patients escape. Reese and the two aliens."

"You mean Allens," the other orderly said.

"What?"

"The two Allens. Barry and Bart Allen. You said 'aliens.'"

"Oh. Right."

Feeling a chill inside, Smith turned to Jones. "Do you suppose it's true?"

"Let's hope not!" Jones practically shouted to be heard over all the noise. "An army of Terminators on its way to Smallville? They'll do more than just kill Lana Lang."

A shivering Smith grimaced. Hopefully, these "men in black" were just as delusional as the others. Even if they were escape artists.

Otherwise, Belle Reve and all Metropolis—indeed, the whole world—could be taken over by Terminators.

Real-life Terminators.

And Kandorians.

Not to mention the inter-dimensional Oliver Queen.

Jones and Smith headed back inside the building.

That was when a glowing figure confronted them.

Oliver Queen.

He was dressed just like one of those guys in "300."

"Hey, guys," Oliver said. The two men simply stood there, both blinking in confusion. "You ever seen that movie 'Total Recall?' Where Arnold is unaware he's an evil man working for an evil cause."

Unblinking, the two men stared.

"It's the same with you guys," Oliver said cheerfully-casually. "Without knowing it, you've been under my control. You, along with my other servants, have been keeping super-powered people locked up and thinking they're crazy."

The gladiator-garbed Oliver winked and smiled.

"Keep up the great work, guys. It's for the cause of justice."

Though his team moved rapidly through the forest, J talked without being out of breath.

This was, after all, a former NYPD cop who once chased down a Cephlapoid. On foot.

"Here's what happened," J said. "Some guys named Jor-El and Zod, along with a group called the Kandorians, took over our world. Oliver Queen aligned himself with these guys and got his own gladiator army."

"But your friend Chloe Sullivan started her own resistance movement." As he spoke, Kyle glanced around for any sign of danger.

"Ah, Chloe-licious," Bart said.

"A great warrior," Kyle said. "Show some respect there, Bart.."

"Affirmative there, amigo."

"Talking here!" J shouted. "Yeah, Chloe started the resistance. Along with Tess Mercer. Your half-sister."

"Don't call her my half-sister," Lex snapped. "Tess is just my sister. Period."

J smiled. "That's right, Lex. That's what you always tell us."

"You're finding you way back to us, chief," K said.

"Don't call me chief," Lex said.

Now Bart smiled. "You always say that, too, bald eagle."

"Don't call me that either."

"You're getting back to normal, Lex," Barry said.

J could see it: there was something bold and strong in Lex's face. The old Lex was back.

And look at K go, man! The old dude was walking real fast without losing his breath. You go, old guy!

"Okay, Reese," K said. "This is normally where you take over."

"Yeah, I got this part," Kyle said casually in his Clint Eastwood/Dr. Garner voice. "You and Tony Stark and Sheldon Cooper all pretended to work for the Kandorians. But secretly you were combining your inventions with Kandorian technology. Which is how you became an inter-dimensional traveler." Briefly, Kyle glanced up for any airborne threats.

Come on, Kyle, man. What exactly could be up there? Is Oliver going to drop Terminators out of the sky now? Of course, J thought, with Oliver you never knew.

"You're up, slugger," K said.

"Right. There was also a friend of yours, Duncan Allenmeyer, who became a lot like Charles Xavier. Thanks to a little Kandorian experiment," J said, doing his little pointing thing with both fingers.

"Duncan was able to detect meteor freaks and mutants all over the world," K said in his friendly-gruff voice and narrator cadence.

"They joined the resistance," Lex said.

"Exactly!" J wore a big smile. "See? It's all coming back."

"You're doing good, sport," K said. "Just like Duncan back home as he helps Chloe and Tess."

With an affirmative look, J nodded. "Duncan was also able to make mental contact with a group called 'S-G-One.'"

"They had access to Goa'uld technology and Ancient weapons." Lex's voice was stronger, less of a confused mumble.

"Right, Lex! You combined your inventions with Goa'uld technology." J looked back. Did he hear dogs barking? Or maybe people from Belle Reve getting closer?

"Goa'uld technology. Kandorian technology," Barry said. "You put it all together, Lex. You used whatever you could get hold of."

"Including gadgets from our out-of-town visitors." As K glanced back in the direction of the alarm, he pulled out his neuralyzer.

Lex stopped. The others huddled around him.

Lex stood straight, fists at his side like the black belt master he was. "And now we've got to save the Lana of this world from the Terminators because Oliver is always trying to destroy Lana in whatever world he finds her. It's a way to distract me, demoralize me, keep me occupied."

"You got it," J said.

"We need you, sport," K said, giving him a light pat on his upper back.

"We're right behind you, amigo," Bart said.

"Just like Mister Reynolds and Dominic Santori!" A smiling Barry gave two thumbs up.

"But as you know Oliver has been tampering with the fabric of the different dimensions," J said somberly.

"That's how he brings in Terminators from the future of one world," Kyle said.

"And me from the future of another world," Bart said, crossing his arms and looking smug and self-satisfied. "But I wouldn't join him. No matter how many times he made me run around that hot floor."

Barry placed a hand on his shoulder. "Good work, Bart!"

"Oliver has succeeded in changing some things," K noted grimly. "Like changing your molecules."

"I remember," Lex said.

J smiled. "But I think you know we have a secret weapon."

"I know," Lex said quietly. "But I also just realized I can't be around Clark. Not the Clark Kent of this world or any world."

"It's true," J said solemnly. "Oliver has altered your molecules so you're like an inter-dimensional atomic bomb."

"More precisely, you and Clark, any Clark, are like matter and anti-matter," Barry said.

Wearing his usual stoic look, K crossed his arms over his black coat . "If you and Clark, any Clark, have any contact, you would destroy all the dimensions."

"Hey, thanks for that burst of cheer there, K," Bart said.

"Yeah, real nice image, everything being destroyed and everything." J laughed. "Of course, if everything was destroyed, old Mix-iz-pittle-ick from the Fifth Dimension would still be around. Ha! Old Mixy. Ain't nothin' would destroy him. That dude's like a cockroach, I swear."

K sighed. "J, I realize Oliver used his mind-scrambler on you again. But try to focus."

"Well," J said with glazed eyes, "if everything was destroyed, the Fifith Dimension would live on, too. They'd be out singing and having adventures in other dimensions."

"J!" K said sharply.

A slight shaking of his head indicated J had snapped out of it.

"Sorry, K."

K turned to Lex. "On this world, we're safe. The Clark Kent of this world is in Fairview Mental Hospital."

"He has no powers anyway," Kyle said.

"His powers were taken away by gold kryptonite," Barry said. "His condition is irreversible."

Lex smiled. "Don't be too sure. There's nothing that's lost that can't be found again." With his chin slightly lifted, Lex had a bold strong look as he stood tall and straight. He was nowhere near as tall as J but he still had the posture of a mighty warrior. Even in a blue hospital gown.

"Let's move to the usual target," K said.

A great "whoosh." Then another quick "whoosh." Barry and Bart had super-sped them all to another place.

Lex knew the place. The Kent barn.

"And here's an old friend," J said.

"Lois-Three-Thousand," Lex said.

Inwardly, J laughed. Once he had asked Lex if the Lois android was meant as a romantic companion. But just the way Lex used her name- or "designation"-you could tell there was awe and admiration but certainly nothing romantic.

Besides, Lex was not a playboy. He poured himself into his inventions and his role as inter-dimensional leader. That made him a symbol of inspiration and hope. To people throughout the dimensions.

And there was only one woman Lex really loved.

As Lex pushed buttons on a control panel on Lois' back, Bart stared with his mouth open. Even though they could all see it was only an android, it also had the appearance of the most gorgeous woman in all the dimensions. Once Lex activated it, Lois 3000 also had a fetching smile complete with big brown eyes that lit up. (Literally.)

"Aye, caramba," Bart said. "Muy caliente."

"Good thing you don't have heat vision," Barry chuckled.

Kyle looked slightly annoyed. "Come on, guys. Lois was a great warrior. Show some respect."

"You're right, Kyle," Barry said, bowing his head.

"Sorry, Kyle," Bart murmured.

J casually observed the scene. No, Lois 3000 was no slavebot. Lex had created the android as a tribute to one of the great fallen heroes of the resistance.

Oliver may have taken the life of the human Lois. But now in this new form, Lois lived on.

Wearing her usual bright look, Lois 3000 gave the standard greeting. "Hey, Lex. What's shaking? How are we doing?"

"Same as always," Lex said coolly.

"That bad, huh?" Lois wore a cocky look as she tilted her head slightly. Even the dimples were there.

Lex was a craftsman and an artist as well as a technical whiz. Of course he had help.

In Vanna-White-like fashion, Lois gestured to her right. "Our army is waiting."

A small device merged from her shoulder. Lex pressed his thumb against it.

"I really do need a backup system," Lex decided.

"Come on, Lex," J said. "You know we're nothing without you."

"You're the substances that holds us together, sport," Only K could look so deadly serious while saying something so positive, J observed.

A portal opened, radiating white waves. From this portal a small mob emerged.

J could see in the crowd different versions of Nightcrawler and Wolverine.

As the army members shouted greetings, congratulations, and expressions of relief, Eric Summers stood at the head of the group.

"Thanks, everyone, for lending me a little bit of your powers," Eric said with a gentle grin.

"No problem, Eric," someone said. Others murmured approvingly.

Eric smiled. "Here's the newest member of our group: Elastic Lad."

Dressed in purple and black, Jimmy Olsen waved a long stretchy arm. "Hey, everybody. I know I just got here. But already I feel like Eric and I are like brothers."

"How are we doing, everybody?" Lois asked. A cheerful shout went up.

"It's great to be back," Greg Arkin said as bugs buzzed around him.

"Same here." Sean Kelvin looked more frosty than usual, almost as blue as Icicle Jr. next to him. "There's a fire guy here, too. We'll work together."

"Side by side with my amigos!" Johnny Storm exclaimed, giving two fiery thumbs up.

"Amigos is my thing," Bart objected quietly.

Tina Greer raised her hand. "Who do you want me to turn into, Lex?"

Lex responded with a warm look and a wry grin. "Just don't turn into me and rob a bank."

Alicia Baker wore her usual big white cheery smile. "Just give the word, Lex. I can teleport anyone anywhere in the area." Her face lit up. "Tina, I've got an idea!" She whispered in her ear.

"That's a plan," Tina said in her calm casual slightly smoky voice. "It should cause the Terminators to break down like those androids on Mudd's planet."

J recalled that Tina was a huge "Star Trek" fan. Which probably kept her from being out getting into trouble. Like impersonating the principal or robbing a bank. With Tina, you never knew what that girl might do.

All the meteor freaks and mutants mumbled to each other in agreeable amiable tones.

A smiling Lex turned to Lois. "You dosed them again, didn't you?"

"Had to," Lois said.

J knew this was their own little joke. Lex had invented synthetic meteor rock that took away the psycho-tendencies of meteor freaks. This enabled the team to get the cooperation of any meteor freak they encountered.

Mutants and aliens still had to be persuaded the usual way. But most were willing to help, especially when the Kandorians had already invaded other worlds.

Then, J's mind swiftly flashed to another scene.

"Who would win in a fight?" Bart wondered aloud. "A Borg or a Terminator?"

"Either way I wouldn't want to be in the middle of it," J said. "Not even if I was Mohammed Ali."

"Hopefully, the Borg would destroy the Terminator," Kyle said.

"Or better, they'd destroy each other," Barry said.

"I'm voting 'yes' on that one," Bart said.

Thanks to Oliver's mind-scrambler, J sometimes had vivid flashbacks of the past. That little scene took place aboard their ship. Which hopefully Lana had repaired by now.

Had to focus on what's going on now.

Especially when...

It was time to move.

"Let's go," Lex said.

As he headed into the barn, J smiled. Did he see Lex walking with his usual swagger and confidence? Oh, yeah! The old Lex confidence was back! That was for sure!

When he stepped into the barn with his team, Lex found Lana. A frightened-looking Lana with disheveled stringy hair.

The aliens holding her looked like giant bugs. Both wore gladiator gear over togas.

Lex jerked his head toward the door. "All right, boys. You know the drill. Leave. Get out!"

Instead, the bug aliens lunged toward Lex. Instantly, they turned to ash.

"Bugs check in," K said.

"But they don't check out," J said cheerfully.

As Lex stood over the ashes looking cool and confident, J thought this: Oliver may have access to Kandorian science. But they had access to something even greater.

Limits on what the bug aliens could do, the way they could grab Lana but not harm her? That was just one small part of it. But at least Oliver's gladiator army wouldn't be showing up here. Thanks to a little Mixy "magic."

"What's going on?" the disheveled Lana asked in a panicked voice. "Who are you?"

"Whatever I tell you, I would only sound insane," Lex said coolly. "The important thing is to get you to safety. Kyle?"

Kyle extended his hand. "Come with me if you want to live."

Though Lana moved hesitantly and wore an uncertain look, she went with Kyle to the loft. There she gasped loudly as a buzzing light purple dome formed around her and Kyle.

Lex pushed more buttons on Lois-3000. The buzzing purple energy appeared at the entrance to the Kent barn. At the same time, the space inside the barn seemed to grow to the size of a football field.

K consulted a device. "Energy dome is in place. If Jonathan and Martha return home, they won't be aware of a thing."

"Good to hear," Lex said.

J reached inside his black coat and pulled out a very large silver rifle.

"Uh, how much space do you have in there?" Bart asked.

"A lot," J said.

K positioned his own giant silver weapon. "Thanks to Lex's new portable inter-dimensional storage device, we have access to a lot of stuff while we're on the go."

"We can even expand the space inside this barn," Lex said.

Bart turned to Lex. "What I don't get is: why would those aliens try to attack you? They must know by now they'd just be destroyed."

With his chin raised slightly, Lex strode across the barn. "The practitioners of evil often think they're indestructible."

"They probably didn't believe in the power of Lex." Lois wore her usual serene plastic grin.

They were interrupted as a portal appeared. A silver portal crackling with lightning. Figures stepped out. Their human facades instantly disintegrated. Squads of silver red-eyed robots lined up in neat rows.

Lex stepped to the center of the barn, and his small army sprang into action.

As the Flash ran around the room, pulling heads off and creating showers of sparks, Alicia transported Tina from one Terminator to another. As she moved around the room, Tina rapidly changed from one face to another.

The head of each Terminator moved back and forth then exploded.

What was left of their Terminator bodies turned to slag.

As J fired his silver rifle, he smiled. He understood what was happening. Tina and Alicia were causing overload in the tiny little electronic brains of the Terminators.

Or as Barry and Lois might explain it, the Terminators' sensory inputs were so busy processing data their processors short-circuited. Quickly and violently.

And, boy! Had Barry and Lois tried to explain that. More than once. J just usually went to sleep mentally.

Okay enough thinking. Time to keep firing the big alien weapon.

But, man, Terminators just weren't equipped to deal with meteor freaks.

And speaking of meteor freaks...

There was Eric shooting fire out of one hand, ice out of the other.

And there was my boy Nightcrawler "bamf-ing" all over the room carrying Wolverine who was slashing away at those Terminators as they poured out of new portals.

J kept firing away. Some of the meteor freaks had powers that were unusual or even useless.

It didn't matter.

Because at the center of it all was Lex.

Lex radiating purple-and-orange waves of energy.

Any Terminator that escaped mutants or meteor freaks or even MIB's turned to dust that blew away.

Oliver may have altered Lex. But so had Mixy.

Physical powers no longer mattered so much in their battles.

What mattered most was the character of Lex Luthor.

Mixy had turned Lex into the most powerful force on a battlefield. And the more he got people to help him, the more Lex's power grew.

So if Lex's army got big enough, he could be as powerful as Dark Phoenix.

Only a good guy, of course.

And so it was that in a matter of minutes all that remained of the Terminators was slag, smoke, and dust.

Lex's meteor-freak-and-mutant army was back in the portable portal, all of them in suspended animation until the next battle. Though hopefully Oliver would just give up.

J looked over the smoking battlefield.

"Why does Oliver keep playing this game?" he muttered.

"I know," Lex said. "Oliver just can't accept that he's up against a more powerful force. The power of people helping each other." Then Lex looked like he was off in another world. "I remember when I was on Mars, releasing oxygen all over the planet. So there would be no more need for domed cities."

"Yeah, Lex, I remember," J said. "We were all there. J'onn J'onnz was there, too."

"And John Carter," K said.

Lex blinked slightly. Tears maybe? Or confusion? " I turned to J'onn, and I said, 'What if it's all a dream?'"

K crossed his arms over his black coat. "It's not a dream, Lex. This is all real."

That was when another portal opened.

A bearded figure stepped out, dressed in a shiny black uniform.

Zod.

Lex calmly stepped toward him. "You shouldn't have come here, Zod."

As he narrowed his dark eyes, Zod spoke with a sneer out of one side of his mouth.

"I will defeat you, Lex. Or I will die in the quest."

Lex gave a slight twitch of his eyebrows. "Then you die, I guess," he said calmly, quietly.

Zod then screamed.

What happened next was like the scene in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" when the Nazis died. First, Zod's face melted like wax, then his skeleton turned to dust. And all the dust blew away.

Kind of like with the Terminators, J thought. Except they kind of melt and turn into slag. Kind of like that Terminator in "Terminator 2."

It was also kind of like when Missy Parker turned really old really fast and her skeleton turned to dust and blew away. Which was kind of like that episode of "The Twilight Zone" when that one guy-

J shook his head. Man, Oliver had really scrambled his brain good this time.

The orange and purple waves stopped shooting out of Lex.

"Why did you choose death?" he asked in a quiet sad voice.

Barry looked astonished. "Why would Zod do that?"

"Simple," K said. "He thought he was more powerful than our Fifth Dimension friend Mix-iz-pittle-ick."

"Good old Mixy and his magic," J said.

Lex grinned. "Keep in mind, J, there's no actual magic here. Our friend just uses a highly advanced form of Kryptonian science."

"Sure, Lex, I know," J said.

"It just looks like magic," K said. "But it's really just advanced science, that's all."

J positioned his weapon on his shoulder. Sometimes to recover from the stress of battle they stated the obvious. And repeated themselves.

Lois went into one of her monologues: "It's like with Isobel. You know, the witch who possessed Lana? She didn't really do magic."

"Isobel's 'magic' was no different than the way meteor rocks change people," Lex intoned matter-of-factly.

"Right, Lex. Isobel's so-called magic was also Kryptonian science. That's why it was able to hurt Clark," Lois said. "When she incorporated Kryptonian symbols into her spells, she inadvertently tapped into advanced forms of Kryptonian science."

The female android concluded with a slight nod and a big plastic smile.

"Thanks for the history and science lesson again, Lois," J said with his patented mild sarcasm.

"You're welcome!" Lois said in a burst. Then tilting her head, she smiled. "Hey, it's my job to explain things. Or one of my jobs.; Or functions. You know. Whatever."

All the team members looked up.

As she slowly stepped down the stairs from the loft, Lana had big brown eyes filled with bewilderment and confusion.

"What happened here?" she asked in a quiet frightened voice.

"Lana, I'm sorry you had to be exposed to any of this," Lex said. "But I'm glad you're all right. We've saved you again, it seems."

In response, Lana simply looked confused, perplexed and frightened.

Lex smiled. "My apologies. I realize I must sound crazy to you. Just live a nice life, Lana. That's all I want for you."

As the group walked away, J looked at Lex and smiled.

"You really love her, don't you?"

"Is it that obvious?" As he grinned, Lex lifted his chin. "She's more important than anything, J. You know that."

J remembered Chloe saying it was good that world had Lex Luthor as a hero since Clark, under a red sun, had no powers.

But even though he was no longer bulletproof, Clark put himself in harm's way to save the world—all the dimensions, really—as a member of the resistance movement. Led by Chloe and Tess. Lex's sister.

Wow. Lex and Clark. We have two good examples to follow, J realized.

"An army of meteor freaks and out-of-town visitors should be enough to storm Thirty-Three-Point-One," Lex declared.

"Mixy" insisted Lex's power would grow the more he recruited warriors into his army. Maybe that was a legitimate limit of "Mixy's" altering power. Or maybe it was just the imp being his usual arbitrary self with his "magic." Or power.

One thing was true, though: it made a difference when people helped each other.

That was when a silver ripple shot through the air at the entrance to the Kent barn.

Members of the group reacted. J pointed his silver weapon.

"Relax, kid," K said.

Sighing, J relaxed his posture. .

"The ship," he said.

"It's back," Bart said. "It works again."

"Runs better than that old black Ford of ours," J muttered. "Even with that upside down flying speed thing."

A ramp opened, and amidst the glow, Lana stepped down, wearing a sparkling silver gown with a pocket protector and a tool belt. She wore dark thick-framed glasses.

Lana looked ethereal. Like an angel. An angel with her long dark hair blowing slightly. An angel with that weird little smile of hers, J thought.

"Lana," Lex whispered.

The two embraced and kissed.

"We could be here a while," J said.

J thought how Lana, like Lex, was a true hero. She could have aligned herself with the Kandorians, just as her Aunt Nell had. But Lana resisted the pull of family to fight for the other side. Even if it wasn't always easy.

As Lex and Lana ended their kiss, they still stood near each other, gazing tenderly at one another.

"Lex," Lana said quietly. "There's so much to do."

"I know," Lex said.

"S-G-One is working in mines. Under a domed city. I have the coordinates. They've had their identities altered."

Lex smiled. "I've had some experience in that area recently. We should be able to help them."

They held hands as Lana guided Lex toward the ramp. "And Flash Gordon called. He needs our help on Mongo."

"We'll rescue S-G-One first," Lex decided. "And then we're off to Mongo. We'll keep adding to our army until we can defeat Oliver and free our world."

"With you on our side, Lex," K said, "this time we're sure to win."

Man, J thought. Did K almost smile there? Hope it wasn't painful!

J went into a flashback. It was shortly after the Kandorians took over. K told their new ally and leader, "Lex, I have the feeling this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

They were both big "Casablanca" fans.

At that time, Lex said, "You and the Men In Black have done an admirable job fighting the Kandorians."

"We had some help," J said.

"Our out-of-town friends," K said.

"I understand," Lex said. "Now we have to take the fight to the next level. All of us together."

Typical inspiring Lex speech, J noted as he returned to the present moment.

Lex paused to kiss Lana again.

"I want someone," Bart whispered with a longing look.

"I don't want to see you macking with Lois again," J said sternly.

"Can't wait to get home to Iris," Barry said.

"Sarah is waiting," Kyle said quietly.

When Lex stopped kissing Lana, he turned to the others. He had a bold strong look.

"We are, all of us, heroes," he said. "Lois chose to die rather than be queen at Oliver's side. And despite her family connections, Lana chose to fight with us."

J grinned. He had heard "the speech" many times before. They all had. But given the little identity crisis Lex had gone through recently, "the speech" showed Lex was back to normal. Why complain?

"Let us all continue to fight on. Together!"

Mel Gibson as "Braveheart" couldn't have done better.

They all stepped inside the ship.

"At least Zod is gone," Bart said. "That's one less problem to deal with."

"We've still got Jor-El and the Kandorians," Barry said.

"But a lot less Terminators," Kyle noted.

Lois smiled. "But just think, guys: we could free everyone in Thirty-Three-Point-One."

"We'll need a battle plan," Kyle said.

"And more help," K said.

J wore his biggest smile. "Imagine, though: an entire army of Lex Luthors! Oliver won't know what hit him."

With the team on board, the ramp closed. J looked out his window as the Kent barn shimmered and faded away. They were departing for other realms. Maybe they'd even run into Wesley and the Traveler again.

With a contented sigh and smile, J sat back in his seat. Things were about as good as they could be for the team.

But...

What if somewhere doctors were discussing the latest new delusional thinking by Lex Luthor?

How he had retreated so completely into a fantasy world that he had lost all contact with reality.

How he just spent all his time moving around in an inter-dimensional ship having adventures.

Practically catatonic, Lex could never return from that fantasy world. Ever.

What then?


End file.
